Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
