So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
