Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I pour the whiskey from now on
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
