he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
