YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
