She is in my trunk
it wasn't lemon gatorade
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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