NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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