i wish starbucks made bloody marys
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
