I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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