I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
