I CAN MOONWALK!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
