oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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