i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
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Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
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Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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