well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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