Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
