Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
ttyl tear gas
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
