You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
