I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
this hospital has no fireball
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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