It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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