If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
