forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
