Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.