Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I intend to get homeless drunk
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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