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I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
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