I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
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