She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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