i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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