it glows. i had to have it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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