i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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