I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
