she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
