I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
