Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
