she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
