He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
