When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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