i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
