I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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