I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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