i would punch a child for taco bell
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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