I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
