I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
