Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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