You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
