Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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