cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
