playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Randomize
