I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
