it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
