He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
did i just pee glitter
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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