There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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