So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
