i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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