Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
