i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
