He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
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He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
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I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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