so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
