Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
