Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
