drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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