He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
