that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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