know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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