just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
