giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
