i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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