my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
