I hate all girls vehemently.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
