Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
your like the ambassador to my penis.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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