I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
