You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
