No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
