I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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