I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just high enough for therapy.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
