she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
