I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
