RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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