I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
