on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
