is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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