the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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