so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My penis needs a shock collar
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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