Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
