look no pants
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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